You work out of a Hotel?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
