i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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