I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
