Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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