remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
