Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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