Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
