Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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