The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
