I think i peed on brittanys purse
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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