I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
