i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
