wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
