you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
