There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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