508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
