had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
