We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
