Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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