I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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