this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
