I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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