Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
