brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm too high and old for this...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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