Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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