when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
