He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
