Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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