i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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