Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
