Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
