now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
