I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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