Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
