You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
