I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love you. Go after that dick
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