how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
