community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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