Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They have beer where we have blood.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
