I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
