I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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