she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
