everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Never underestimate the power of titties
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
