next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
