on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
