At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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