omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
