Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
