My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
