it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
